Being my own best friend

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“I never feel lonely because I am always accompanied by a true friend — that is me.  At bedtime, I greet him, ‘Good night Ajahn Brahm, sleep well”.  When I wake up in the morning, I greet, “Good morning, me…”.  If you do that, then you will never feel lonely.”
— Ajahn Brahm

 

The road to self-growth is paved with new perceptions.

Sometimes I like to take the time to neatly fold and stack my sleep-clothes at the foot of the bed before leaving for work.  When I come home disheveled from the day and craving a hot shower, it is a sweet little surprise find my pj’s so thoughtfully left ready for me.

When I’m upset and feeling ready to instigate some drama, I try to coax myself out for a brisk walk to talk it out and get some fresh air and change of environment.  Inevitably, I always appreciate it and feel markedly better.

I’ll go to the grocery store in the middle of the night because I know I’ll be so pleased to wake up to a fully-stocked fridge.

It’s slowly escalated.

I’ve recently been finding the kitchen and bathroom surprisingly clean, and I feel lifted each time I walk in.  For the first time, my delicates have been separated into mesh bags in the laundry.  Instead of only being taken shopping, I’ve finally been taken to the dentist and chiropractor.  The fridge has been stocked with healthy food all year, when five years ago it was poptarts and Spaghettios.

And sometimes, even when waking up alone, I am greeted with a silent but cheesy “good morning”.

The beginnings of self love haven’t felt like I’ve always imagined.  I thought it would be more of an obvious feeling, an unmistakable amour that feels like heart emojis and glittering confidence.

But on the contrary.  It feels subtle yet surprisingly powerful in the way it changes things.  More what I would imagine a motherly love.

When you love someone, you take pleasure in caring for them.  Little favors here and there, kind words, truly listening and understanding.  It doesn’t feel like a chore or manipulation.  It feels like a quiet, easy, warm type of love.

And I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter if it’s coming from me, for me.  It feels just as good, or even arguably better, than if someone else is doing it for me.

It’s self trust, self reverence.

It’s a beautiful care and thoughtfulness.

For the one person you’ll always be with.

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